This is what love looks like. 

She’s getting married.

I saw the progression on social media over the past year. (Don’t give me those judge-y eyes. I know I’m not the only one who cyber stalks their ex-fiancé.) I knew it was coming eventually. I just didn’t think I’d react the way I did.

As soon as it became Facebook official, I received a barrage of text messages. Each message varied in the degree of pity for me but they all involved the same question.. “How do you feel about it?”
My heart was overwhelmed. But not in the way you’d probably expect. It was overwhelmed with happiness. Genuine happiness.

I remembered how I felt when I put that ring on her finger and I knew she was feeling it now.  It was like being on a roller coaster that would only go up.  I was genuinely filled with so much joy knowing that she was finally able to feel that.  Of course a small part of me had always hoped I would be the cause of that feeling but that small part was completely overshadowed by my unconditional desire for her happiness no matter the cost.

We were so young when our saga began and it did the only thing it could do: completely crash and burn.  I can see it’s different for her now.  Our relationship taught her what she shouldn’t settle and compromise on, how much she’s worth.  And she’s found someone who has given her a never-ending smile this past year, which is something I spent four years failing at miserably.  She’s found someone who is actually capable of returning the love that she gives and much deserves.

This month actually marks three years since we split. I haven’t been able to commit myself to anyone since then because she refused to give me the closure I desperately sought over the past few years but I’m finally at a point where I can move on without it.

She will forever be the greatest love of my life. The one that got away. The one I’ll always compare the others to.  My cinema.  And most importantly, the one who taught me how to love myself.

But despite all of this I still wish her forever love and more happiness than her heart can handle. And when the tides turn against her I wish for her new heart to hold her throughout the storm. And never let go.

Because that’s what real love is. It’s wanting happiness for another even if that happiness is caused by your absence.